We Need to Talk about Christmas
by Emmel1118
Summary: You are sitting on a bus and you wonder what will happen if you get off.


_**a/n. So...this is a little different. It was a challenge from a friend to write a story in the future tense. Immediately my head started thinking about possible Jackson/Louise stories I could do and this is the result. It is a little different but I hope you like it. There may be some mistakes, I warn you now.**_

_**...**_

You're sitting on the bus as it pulls up to the stop. You watch as the doors give a mechanical hiss and slide open. You stare at the opening for a long moment, considering now that you're actually here, you actually need to make your feet move and take you off the bus. You wonder what will happen if you let the doors shut and stay sitting in your seat as it pulls away. You also consider what will happen if you get to your feet and leave the cramped bus – who would have thought they'd ever catch you on a _bus_ 'eh? You can see the timeline of events playing out in your head like a cinema screen flickering.

You will get to your feet and they will lead you off the bus. You will find yourself standing on the pavement, the midday traffic roaring around you, with hardly a clue where to go – a scrawled address written on a scrap of paper in your pocket and a half forgotten glance at Google maps are all you will have. You will look around you, unsure of where to go or what to do next. You will stroll purposefully up to the closest road sign and you will look at it, trying to seem normal, but not doing a good job.

You will try and drag the map you looked at on the internet out of the depths of your mind and reconcile the street you will be standing on with the map you looked at. You will discover that you think the house she told you she'd be at is only a few streets away. You will forget which way, however, and have to desperately look around you for any signs, any pointers. You will think how similar most of Edinburgh looks to the casual eye – which is all you will have time for.

You will spot a street name that looks vaguely familiar and head that way. You will follow the windy, twisting road for a good few minutes, before turning off, and will find yourself, quite by accident, despite what you will tell her later, on her road. You will pull out the scrap piece of paper with her house number written on and you will search the neat row of houses for hers, and your heart will be pumping in your chest, far too fast to be normal.

You will slowly find yourself standing in her front garden, staring idly at the beautiful flowers lining the beds. You will struggle to find the courage to take the few steps to her door, but after a few moments, you will. The doorbell will be louder than you expect.

She will not answer quickly, no, she will take her time. You will stand on her doorstep, your mind rushing at a million miles an hour but the moment she will open the door, your mind will go dead. Not even a word will form on your tongue, leaving her to speak first.

"Jackson." She will say, tiredly, snapping at him as if she can't be bothered with him today. You will feel slightly disappointed at your welcome. "Do you want to come in?" She will say, a second later, moving to the side to allow you access. You will nod and take the step into her house, her home. You will leave your shoes near the doormat, scared that you will track dirt into her immaculate house, which you will know is not her decision, but must be her husband's.

You will follow her to the living room, where her baby daughter will be asleep on the sofa. Your heart will leap in your chest when you see how tiny the baby is and have to remind yourself that she was premature, that both mother and daughter have not had it easy over her short life. "What you want?" She will say, as he takes a seat on the sofa next to her daughter. Claudia, you will also remind yourself. The baby's name. A beautiful name, you will think quietly to yourself.

"You gave me your address." You will say, pointing out the obvious, and your voice will sound much stronger than you thought it would be. "And said I could drop in anytime." Neither of them will mention that she had given you her address never actually thinking you would take her up on her offer. But here you are, sitting in her living room.

"Patrick will be home from work soon." She will say, quietly.

"I know." You will reply. "I wanted to talk." You will add, a second or two later.

"About what, Jackson?" She will say, tiredly, and you will smile at her, sadly, because both of you will know what you meant when you said we need to talk.

"About what happened the last time I saw you." You will almost frown when you realise it's been nearly four months since you last saw her. You will watch as she looks down at the floor, and her cheeks will flush with embarrassment. The baby, Claudia, will chose that moment to start crying, and you will sigh, wondering if fate will always intervene and mean you and her will never get to talk about things. The baby will be calmed by her mother's touch and stop crying only a few minutes after she will start.

"Sorry." She will apologise, and you will say that it's nothing. "Jackson," She will start, a long, strained moment later. "it shouldn't have happened. You and I know that." You will think to yourself that yes, you do know that it should never have happened, but you will not be able to find it in yourself to care.

"I don't want you to be unhappy." You will say, quietly, unsure if you are standing on firm ground.

"I'm not unhappy." She will snap in reply and you will hang your head and then you will be unable to fight the urge to reply with the first thing that came into your head.

"Yes, you are." She will look straight at you, her beautiful eyes looking right through you. You will keep her gaze, not wanting her to look away. "Louise, admit it. He doesn't make you happy. I do – Christmas showed that-" You will get not further, because she will interrupt you.

"Don't talk about Christmas." She will say, her voice strangled. She will pick up the baby and cradle her to her chest.

"We have to." You will reply. "It meant something. Didn't it, Louise?" You will add, with your voice barely above a whisper.

"Yes." She will let herself admit, a moment later. Her eyes will dart up to yours. You will stand and cross to her side. She will still be holding Claudia and you will stare down into the baby's eyes and see so much of her mother in her you will feel tears prick your eyes.

"Leave him. Pick me." You will say, just as quietly as your last words. You will think that this is it. The moment of truth.

Your heart will ache in your chest as you wait for her reply.

"I pick you." She will say, quietly. You will kiss her and the whole world will disappear for a moment. You will be happy.

Sitting on the bus, everything flashing through your head, you sigh. The doors hiss shut. You do not get off the bus.

...

_**Please review! **_


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